Paradise? What Paradise prithee?

Warning: not to be placed in underpants

I just read the story of an Afghani suicide bomber who today tried to kill Asadullah Khalid, a man who earns his honest daily crust and cup of water as head of Afghanistan's National Directorate of Security (NDS). Khalid survived the attack, but the bomber did not. He did however manage to blow himself to bits, which is to be counted as a half-victory for him I suppose.

It subsequently emerged in an email update by the NDS that the bomber's explosives were "placed around [his] genitals" and that the practice  went "against all Islamic and cultural practice". 

This reminds me of other, similar, suicide attacks, including the failed attempt by a Nigerian Al Qaida wannabe suicide bomber who tried to blow up the airliner he was on over Detroit Michigan in 2009 as it began its landing approach. He too had placed his explosive charge inside his underpants but 'unfortunately for him', when he tried to set his bomb off it failed to explode and burst into flames instead. Result? Our hero sustained serious burns to his genitalia and survived and the plane landed safely.

Now I'm no expert on suicide bombing as I have not had the opportunity to have a go myself, and nor am I a learned Islamic scholar but I must admit that there's an insistant question which is nagging itself into my mind. I mean, isn't the idea that once you've finished the job of slaughtering other people you go up to heaven or wherever to be welcomed by '72 virgins and 70 wives and everlasting happiness'? Fair enough, as they say, to each his own.

But what's the goddam point of being welcomed by all that lusciously tempting womanhood at lofty and lusty celestial altitudes when you just blew your private parts to kingdom come and will never be able to indulge yourself in the endless sexual debauchery you were so much looking forward to?

As I say, I'm no expert in the matter but hey! 72 virgins all around and no way of having fun with them for the rest of eternity?!

Thanks, but no thanks. I'll take a pass on that as they say on the other side of The Pond...